Holding S____pace

I will allow space for all the feelings my heart holds. 

I have been contemplating this phrase for a few days.

Holding space has been a thing we often hear when helping others.   But rarely do we hear it when it is applied to ourselves.

Since, moving to Oregon, things have been a little jumbled up in my heart.  Not in a bad way….and not with any regrets, but with all the emotions that come from moving to an entirely new state….after having had such a FULL life in Southern California for over 26 years.

I kind of lost my balance in the past two months.

If  I were to do another huge move like this again…. I wouldn’t do things differently, rather, I would have added another component of emotional and spiritual preparation.

I read an article about re inventing oneself after a huge change, starting over, transition.  I contemplated that for a few brief seconds.   Nope, I do not want to re invent myself, frankly, I like who I am, where my journey has taken me, and who I have become because of it.

It wasn’t about a revamp.

It was about “holding space for myself amidst this change, allowing myself to get a bit lost without the guilt, and feeling every emotion that comes along it.”

I could share the practical things I have done to help in my “re-grounding” process such as pulling out my collection of rocks that I gathered from most of the mountain peaks I have summited or the new hobby of birding in my own backyard…which includes my  new membership to the local wild bird store.     Well, maybe I will share about the practical steps I have done and am doing….. maybe. sometime.  Just in case someone is wondering how to attract finches and mourning doves into one’s yard.

some of my rocks from the mountains I have climbed.

Mostly is was about this:

I will allow space for all the feelings my heart holds. I will not cower or hide from myself. It’s okay to feel the ugly messy things. It’s okay to feel the burning brilliance of beauty. It’s okay to feel the soft winds of happiness and the quiet bursts of loneliness. Its okay to feel it all. It’s okay to be myself, all of myself, not just the good.    ~unknown 

I have had a few conversations in just the past couple days, with women, I revere greatly.  They had no idea of what I was feeling, but their intuitiveness and my openness to listen was rewarded with the answer and reminder of who I am, my unique voice and what I have to offer to this amazing beautiful world we live in.

I feel a sense of coming back into myself.   It is good.

Holding space for myself.

Last night, I attended a candlelight meditation group.

The mantra was this:

I have no where to go. 

I have nothing to do.  

I have no one to be. 

Holding space for myself.

This morning I woke up, dressed again in my soul…feeling the grounding coming back.

I may still be a little lost, but I have a map, I know where I am and I can navigate myself through it.

I am choosing to allow the space between where I am and where I want to be,  inspire me, not hold me back.

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