Today’s Post is written by our Brave Writer: Karen Asbra
They brought us into Labor and Delivery room.
Room number 2.
I put on the necessary hospital gown and waited for the nurse to start the tests. As I lay on the bed, my husband at my side, the nurse moved a heart monitor across my stomach but there was not even a faint flicker of a heartbeat. I felt my stomach grow queasy and a lump build in my throat.
I waited for the ultrasound. The room felt cold, quiet, and somber. Lance held my hand for what seemed like an eternity. When the nurse returned with the ultrasound I was still hoping for a miracle, maybe the heart monitor was defective. To our dismay the ultrasound confirmed our worst fears.
There was no heartbeat. Our second child had died 9 days before the due date.
All I could do was cry, I couldn’t think, I couldn’t feel. I remember my husband making the phone calls to our families. I could see death and grief all over his face; A father mourning his precious child and yet a pillar of strength for his wife, one that would stand strong. The best they could determine was the umbilical cord wrapped around her abdomen and stopped the blood flow to the baby’s heart.
It was the next morning that I found out it was a girl. In that moment she not only had a personality and an identity but now a name. My grief and pain went deeper. My cry was coming from deep within, deep within my soul. It was a feeling I can’t even begin to express and no words can describe. Only those who have gone through it could understand.
I know this time of year is hard for many who have lost a loved one but I write this to let you know and encourage you that things will get better. We lost our second child over 20 years ago and I still remember every moment but the pain of loss does subside.
I did not write this for sympathy but for encouragement. When your heart breaks over a loss of any kind it can seem as if the pain will never end. I am here to let you know that it does. It just takes time.
Joy will return.
I am living proof of that. You need to give yourself grace and time to grieve. It is different for everybody. If your heart is breaking and you are having a hard time then try focusing on being thankful, and just know that we all struggle with that. When we lost our daughter I focused on the fact that I had my older daughter to hold on to. It didn’t instantly take away my pain but it gave me the inspiration to go on. I just want to let you know I am here and I understand. You are not alone no matter how alone you might feel. If you feel the need you can just post a quick reply to this post and I will say a prayer specifically for you. Things do get better and you will be able to live life with joy again.
Photo Credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/pagedooley
Karen Asbra is happily married to Lance Asbra and has 3 amazing children. She is a writer, song writer, and worship leader and enjoys bringing people into the presence and intimacy of God. You can visit Karen at her blog http://lanceandkarenasbra.com