Today’s post is written by our Brave Writer, Lindsay Munoz.
This week I just felt like I needed to be real; like really, really real. I don’t feel brave and honestly it feels like bravery is eluding me at every turn. I feel challenged and overwhelmed daily and some days I even feel guilty.
In my full time job as a mama I am struggling with having a part time work from home job and trying to be fully present with my kids. I even hear the enemy whispering that if only I could be MORE present and spend more time with Adrian (instead of telling him my standard response of ‘just a second, mama is busy’) then maybe Adrian wouldn’t challenge me on every. single. thing. I mean seriously, every thing. Maybe if I was more present and not spending my time working, maybe Adrian would feel more valued and listen to me more. I know (at least I think I do) mentally that that’s not true and that Adrian is a strong willed 2 year old and that he would challenge me regardless but there is that little piece of my heart that feels guilty.
When it comes to my money making job, it is supposed to be this flexible, mommy friendly, part time job but that is not what it feels like. I am overwhelmed with the amount of work I have on my plate and these past two weeks have caused me to make a few errors here and there and in return I have had to deal with my boss and his frustration towards me. If I am being perfectly honest, several phone conversations ended in tears. I really started questioning if I should keep my job or if we should just struggle to make it work on only my husband’s income. To be even more honest, it’s the days that end in tears that make me feel even guiltier…it just doesn’t seem worth it!!
Now, this is the funny thing about God. As I am writing how I don’t feel brave at all, He reminds me that I continually push through. Regardless of what is thrown at me, I fight through every moment and I have really learned to just trust in Him and what He has for me and my family. I just know that if I’m not supposed to continue my job, He will provide a way for us to make it without the extra income and if I am supposed to keep my job, He will provide the strength to get through each day. As for the guilt, over the past couple weeks I have sought prayer support from close friends and expressed my sense of defeat with my aunt (and AMAZING friend) and all I heard in return was words of encouragement and praise. God knows exactly what I need to hear and when I need to hear it.
So friends, when you feel discouraged and overwhelmed and defeated; push through. Dive head first into the living well that is our God. Use Him for all that He is and all that He wants to give you; strength, courage, peace, comfort, encouragement, love, and rest. And, when you’re like me and feel like you have nothing left in you, just take a moment to stop and remember you can do it.
Lindsay Munoz is married to the love of her life and the mommy to two amazing kids. Her passion is for others to know how deeply loved they are by God. You can visit Lindsay at her blog at http://munozmama.wordpress.com