Today’s post is written by our Brave Writer, Laura Krämer
“Hey, Laura can I talk to you for a minute outside?”
I followed my leader out into the brisk night air. I figured he wanted to go over a few details before the recovery/healing group started. We came every week to help others find freedom and healing from sexual and relational brokenness. This leader was also my pastor and friend. And in many way he was like a big brother to me; protecting me, teaching me, guiding me.
He turned to face me, standing tall in both presence and stature,
“I’ve made a call into the ministry headquarters.”
“We talked about you.”
His tone made me nervous. I was beginning to think this wasn’t going to be a good talk.
“Laura, here’s the deal. Even as a leader you are expected to be vulnerable with your group—and you’re not.”
Blood rose to my face, and tears got caught in my throat. Oh dear God—I’m being reprimanded. The rest of his words came out something like a band-aid being pulled off in one painful rip,
“Look, the ministry has guidelines—I can’t let you lead this group if you yourself are not showing vulnerability. If you don’t take immediate steps to be vulnerable I have to pull you from leadership.”
Pull me from leadership? Are you kidding me? I was doing a good thing here. Really—I was. But he was saying the groups could be better if I was vulnerable—In fact, I could be better if I was vulnerable.
That happened in 2001. And I don’t remember much more from that night. I probably cried and talked really fast to defend myself to my leader in some broken way, but honestly, I can’t remember what I said to him—and that might be a good thing.
But what I do remember is he gave me a chance for this moment to become my turning point. He gave me a chance to live brave—and to be vulnerable.
And it wasn’t easy.
I had to give up a few things—like appearing perfect. I truly believed I had “arrived” in life. My focus was no longer about my continued healing journey, but about helping others heal.
And friends, that’s a dangerous place to be.
I wanted to be above the struggle, above the sin, above the brokenness, above it all. And when you are above it all—people notice it—and they don’t like it. Nobody wants a leader who has it all together. Because when you do—you’re not approachable or accepting—and that’s exactly what I was becoming.
I could tell you a lot of stories from that time. They were more like wrestling matches with God, but in the end—I let Him win. The truth is—when God wins, so do you. As it turns out vulnerability is a gift. Truly it is. I could tell you countless stories of freedom and healing in my life because of the simple act of confession.
The tag line on my website should be enough to tell you how that story left a permanent mark on my life…
I choose to be vulnerable with my soul journey with the hope of others finding healing in God.
Funny, isn’t it? How one moment in time changes everything? I was on the path of becoming a phony—and with one exhortation from a respected leader, I was a given an opportunity to be brave and change my path.
And I did.
Grateful to be on the journey alongside you,
Laura Krämer chooses to be vulnerable with her soul journey with the hope of others finding healing in God. She is a vulnerability writer, grace speaker, heart holder and Jesus lover. Laura writes her journey at www.laurakramerministries.wordpress.com