I Will

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I have heard it said that the hardest phase for the cancer patient is not the treatment itself, but the waiting to determine if the therapy worked.

The “What If”

What if the treatment didn’t work?

What if the tumor is still there?

What if the cancer spread?

What if….

You can still have faith, and yet, at times  be distracted over the what ifs.

And the what if’s come sent to us in all different covers.

What if, I can’t pay my bills?

What if, I lose my job?

What if, I can’t find a job?

What if, my child makes a poor decision?

We each, can fill in the blanks to our own “What if” statement.

However,  this is what I am learning in my waiting phase.

What if, I didn’t open the doors  and let the ocean breeze blow through? Because I don’t want my floors to get dusty.

What if, I missed the opportunity to sit with one of my children and just talk about anything and everything? For hours.

What if, I didn’t embrace the kisses of my husband even when they come in the middle of the grocery store or a crowded parking lot?

What if, I missed the moment to give generously to another because I was too afraid in the not enough for me? Or because I was bound by the “rules” of where I am supposed to give.

What if, I didn’t take the time in the silence to just listen?  And BE.  Or not BE anything.

I dont want to live in the What if’s, but the I will’s .

I will give, I will embrace, I will listen, I will be still, I will be present.

Where does your “What if”  and “I will” collide?

And what if, you said, I will instead…

Today.

Living Brave with you,

Lesley

Photo Cred:  Mikko Luntiallo

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13 thoughts on “I Will

  1. I love this!! It’s so easy to conjure up an infinite supply of “what ifs,” especially when God call us to move in directions that we don’t want to go in (“yet”).

    Is it “trust issues” or just plain cowardice? Hmmm.

    1. I think in some situations, it’s trust issues and with others a lack of knowledge of knowing how to move forward….and then with others, its sheer will. Will you or won’t you? Cause let’s be honest, we all can be pretty stubborn now can’t we? lol.
      Love you Jazzy.

  2. Very touching and so true. I’m going to forward this to someone very close to me going through the same thing! Thank you!

  3. This is right on, Lesley! I believe faith is in the spirit of a man. God gives us a measure of faith to believe. It is spirit, as it came from Him. “Having the same spirit of faith.” 2 Corinthians 4:13. The “what ifs” are in the soul of a man – the mind, emotions and the power of using one’s will. And after listening to all the noise, the will is the decision maker of the soul. So one can have strong faith and still have “what ifs”. The key is the “will” coming into agreement with the faith he actually has been given. Love you much.

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